New York Comic Con: Flabby Versions of Your Favorite Superheroes!

Ever wondered what Batman would look like fat? Read on, true believer!

Comic book conventions are among the few remaining refuges of sincere, unaffected fun in an otherwise odious leisurescape of extreme binge drinking set to techno or gun claps. They're enjoyed by people of literally every age, ethnicity and economic disadvantage in celebration of the stories and characters on which they were all raised. It's a bully-free zone in which underwear is in no danger of violently wedgie-ing its wearer and freak flags are free to fly. Nowhere is this more evident than in the practice of costume play, or cosplay.

This year, attendees all appear to have colluded in advance to imagine the most popular heroes and villains of comics, movies and anime as doughy, sickly, weak, infirm or, in the most impressive examples, morbidly obese. What we observed was a testament to the imagination and resourcefulness of the comic book fan, a live "What If?" comic, if you will, contemplating how our heroes would look close to death.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we got to see cool stuff like Captain America's costume from the upcoming Avengers movie. But our subjects had no need for athletic-cut performance wear like this. The theme was Homely Heroes and no bodily dimension was too great in their pursuit of squat glory.

"Avengers dishevel!!!"

"I am vengeance. I am the night. I am thankful for Denny's late menu."

"This is madness."
"This… IS… SBARRO'S!!!"

Certified Public Accountant Magneto, master of pragmatism!

Now THIS is what Eastern European female agents really used to look like in the 1980s.

Jeez, they'll clone anyone into a Fett these days. Hey, Blob o' Fett, there's a bounty out on a granola bar if you want the collar.

Not a costume, obviously. This was just a seriously cool table for concealing all of the trappings of nerdy living. Dig the custom-molded game controller drawers.

The Sorcerer Supreme was about to turn us into burrito supremes, so we made haste for the astral plane...

Tony Stark, a.k.a. Iron Man, finally dying from the nuclear reactor in his chest.

Actually, this Archangel costume was just fucking cool.

Every comic fan's favorite teleporting tandem, Cloak n' Dumpy.

You have to work hard—or, rather, not at all—to strike an even chubbier Mario.

This slapdash pile of free New York Comic Con gift bags stretched as far as the eye could see. The throng of attendees amassing along it made it look like a tsunami clean-up effort. A swagnami, if you will.

Tubby Hawaii Five-0! Brilliant!!!

Honoring one of the rarest action figures in all of collecting, "Laundry Day Superman" features basketball shorts and a general indifference toward life.

See also:
Backlash! New York Comic Con
New York Comic Con: Dorks on Parade