Honest Mottos for Every State

 

By Jordan Burchette
Maxim

South Dakota's license plate reads, "Great Faces. Great Places." West Viginia's once said, "Almost Heaven." Time for some truth in advertising.

ALABAMA

 

"Keeping it in the Family."

ALASKA

 

"Making the Best of It."

ARIZONA

 

"America's Most Beautiful Future Beaches."

ARKANSAS

 

"If You Lived Here, You'd Be Poor by Now."

CALIFORNIA

 

"Just Pick off the Burnt Parts."

COLORADO

 

"Hey, We Got a Black Guy Now."

CONNECTICUT

 

"We Went to Prep School With Your Grandfather."

DELAWARE

 

"C'mon, You Need Us to Complete the Set!"

FLORIDA

 

"You Gotta Die Somewhere."

GEORGIA

 

"...Sorry About Crunk."

HAWAI'I

 

"Keeping America at Arm's Length."

IDAHO

 

"Lots of Boise, Not Much Girlsie."

ILLINOIS

 

"Last Bagels Before San Francisco."

INDIANA

 

"Supplying the NBA With White Guys Since 1953!"

IOWA

 

"Floor it!"

KANSAS

 

"Intelligent Dezyne."

KENTUCKY

 

"Sometimes We Just Cry."

LOUISIANA

 

"Titties!"

MAINE

 

"Goddammit, New Hampshire, Quit Throwing Your Frisbees Over Here."

MARYLAND

 

"Yep, Still Here."

MASSACHUSETTS

 

"It's Like a Cute Little New York."

MICHIGAN

 

"You Can't Go Bust if You Never Go Boom!"

MINNESOTA

 

"Cold as Fuck."

MISSISSIPPI

 

"If You Can Read This... Could You Tell Us What It Says?"

MISSOURI

 

"Neither Here Nor There."

MONTANA

 

"Escape 15 Miles per Hour Faster!"

NEBRASKA

 

"You Can't Get From South Dakota to Kansas Without It!"

NEVADA

 

"More Titties!"

NEW HAMPSHIRE

 

"It's the One to Visit When You're Visiting More Than One."

NEW JERSEY

 

"Blame Your Farts on Us."

NEW MEXICO

 

"Beats the Hell out of Old Mexico."

NEW YORK

 

"Mall of America."

NORTH CAROLINA

 

"Do We Really Need Two Carolinas?"

NORTH DAKOTA

 

"We Don't Even Live Here."

OHIO

 

"Fine, Here's Our Lunch Money."

OKLAHOMA

 

"Did We Need to Take All the Indians' Land?"

OREGON

 

"Need Anything Protested?"

PENNSYLVANIA

 

"West Virginia With Cleaner Fingernails."

RHODE ISLAND

 

"Where Everybody Knows Your Name. Because There are Seven of Us."

SOUTH CAROLINA

 

"North Carolina's BFF."

SOUTH DAKOTA

 

"Where Canadians Escape the Cold."

TENNESSEE

 

"A Million Elvis Fans Can't Be Wrong."

TEXAS

 

"Now 30 Percent Fatter than Pennsylvania."

UTAH

 

"My Other Car Is My Other Wife."

VERMONT

 

"If You Haven't Seen It Before, It's New to You!"

VIRGINIA

 

"Only Technically Related to West Virginia."

WASHINGTON

 

"©2008 Microsoft."

WEST VIRGINIA

 

"Deliverance Was a Documentary."

WISCONSIN

 

"When the Cheese Runs out, We'll Eat Illinois."

WYOMING

 

"See You Later!"